I am studying right now to become a rad. therapist. When I had my mock interview for the program a couple of weeks ago, I was told that one of the biggest things I will be asked about is how I handle death. I don’t know how I will handle answering these questions when I am asked, because in all honesty, I have not dealt with many deaths in my life. When I was 15, my grandpa died from cancer. That is the only person that I have known personally that has died- I have never had a close friend or immediate family member die besides him. When he died I don’t think I ever even really processed it. I went to his funeral and saw him lying in his casket and never even really felt sad. I don’t know if it was because I knew that was just his body and not him, or if it was because I wasn’t really very close to him. I saw my dad upset and I think that was what affected me the most. Death is just such a weird concept to me. One second, you are here, your consciousness is in your body, and the next second, it’s gone from your body.
I heard an idea a few minutes ago (weirdly from Westworld) that gave this general idea: Sometimes when you lose someone, your grief is all you have left of them. Thus grief can be prolonged on purpose by the individual who has lost someone in order to keep close all that is left of the lost person.
This blows my mind to think about, because I can imagine it to be so difficult for some people to get over the loss of someone, but at the same time, I have never experienced any of the sort so I cannot quite understand it. Without ever being in a devastating situation, how can I know how I will handle it when I am working in and around it every single day?